this is not my beautiful house

I've been pretty introspective lately. Which makes sense, of course, since I am making a pretty big change in my life. I'm trying to be more introspective generally as well. Not in a navel gazing sort of way (though, really, what is wrong with gazing at your navel every now and then?), but in a more concrete action-plan sort of way.

I know that there are people out there who figure out the way that they want their life to go and then they plan accordingly. I've never really done that. I've spent my first couple of decades of adulthood sort of muddling along from one thing to the next. At least part of the reason for the muddling is that I'm impulsive by nature. If something sounds good to me at the time, I head that way without taking the time to figure out the consequences. While that is not necessarily the perfect way to approach things, it has actually worked out remarkably well for me. Sure, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I know at least one or two things that I don't want to be. And my law career more than paid for itself (in preparation for my "retirement" and on the advice of my financial advisor, who also happens to be my boyfriend, I sent the check to pay off my remaining law loans this week so I am a debt-free woman). Plus I met some interesting, fun people who happen to be lawyers. Who knew?

So here I am. I figured out in the last 5 years where I want to be geographically. I'm pretty sure that decision won't ever change again. Now I just need to figure out the ever-important question: What Do I Want To DO With My Life (did I just conjure up Twisted Sister to anyone besides myself? because I do, in fact, want to rock!). I know two things:

1. I can figure this out.
2. I can make whatever I figure out that I want to do happen. Someway, somehow.

So yes, I'm happy right now. And excited. Because something good is headed my way and I plan to be open to it when it rolls on by.

it's not you, it's me

While that may not be 100% true (search for my rants against the billable hour model if you're interested in how I feel about law firm economics), there's nothing better than leaving on good terms to go pursue my dreams. Oh, the joy of giving notice at work.

happy dance

The post is brought to you by the letter "Ahhhh". The CLE presentation is over. I made it through relatively unscathed. Though I did spill my water all over my papers shortly after I finished my last topic and I had a hard time with a question that came up during Q&A and basically punted. It sounds kind of bad, right??? Well it wasn't. Or if it was I no longer recall because IT'S OVER.

May this be the first and last time you ever catch me talking about the Federal Registry for aircraft in Oklahoma City in public. In other news, there is a partners' meeting in Boca right now and the associates are all going to happy hour on the firm's dime in just about an hour and a half (maybe sooner!). I'll drink to that!

butterflies (no hurricanes)

I'm meeting with some friends of a friend this afternoon to talk to them about their design firm and about careers in design more generally. I'm trying to avoid getting nervous, since this is not a job interview, it is just a chance to learn some things and come away with a better understanding of a field that interests me. But I do tend towards the nervous in these sorts of situations. I took a few minutes to write out some quick questions I have. I know I should probably have more, but this is my starting point, at least:

• formal vs. informal training - what is needed? compare local options. bachelor's degree vs. certificate/associate's programs?
• design groups - AIGA, any others? how useful?
• freelance vs. firms vs. companies?
• web design - specialties? what is useful beyond CS3 and HTML?
• breaking in - any suggestions?
• career options with a design background generally?

Anyway, wish me luck despite the fact I don't need it today! Or any more than I do generally at least.

Moving Forward

Lately I've been trying to take steps to unstick myself. The main thing that has me feeling stuck is my current career. I've blogged about it before, but I've finally realized that I need to start figuring something out sooner rather than later. So I've talked to a few people about non-legal career options, thought a lot about what sorts of job prospects give me energy and would inspire me and taken positive steps to do more things that interest me even if they aren't leading me to a new career. Necessarily.

Tonight is my second drawing class at UCLA Extension. I've never felt that I had particular artistic talent, but I have a creative drive that just has not been fulfilled and the first step to taking art classes is drawing (though I've always been more interested by painting classes). So away I go. My teacher is a pretty darned talented painter and I really appreciated something that he said last week. He said that anyone can draw if they spend enough time practicing techniques and working at it. He acknowledged that some people have more natural talent than others but he said the there are basic learned skills that are not necessarily tied into talent as much as practice. This made sense to me. I've always thought of art more as a talent than as a learned skill, which is a frustrating way to view things if you lack what you perceive as innate talent. So I'm done looking at it that way. At least for 10 weeks. I'm a smart girl - I can learn to draw!

I'll report back more on career goings-on as I continue to sort things out. I'm happy with myself for making the effort to talk and think about possible options and exit strategies. For now that is enough.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

I've had a bit of a strange day today. There are two pieces of news that I received, both of which are intriguing and surprising. So while I'm still digesting the news and I thought I would share.

1. Fantasy Football -

I'm in an all-female fantasy football league (NFL). I'm sort of the last addition to it. I started doing it last year as a substitute for a woman who was thrown out of the league because she didn't take it seriously enough (they are pretty hard core). My friend at work nominated me for the slot and it is a group of people that she knows from law school and from living in NY. They've been doing an all-female league for about six years. The commissioner is very into sports and has transitioned from big firm lawyer to an in-house job (I'm not sure whether she acts as a lawyer, or what her exact capacity is) with, I believe, ABC.*

Earlier this week she was at ESPN's headquarters and she was talking to someone in charge of fantasy coverage there. His idea was to feature an all-female league on their website, with updates and stories posted throughout the season and the ability of website viewers to follow along with the games and league standings. Well, maybe you can see where this is heading. Yes, he heard about our (her) little league and went through the roof. So we're being asked for bios and they'll be putting up pictures and bios on espn.com for public access, assuming this all goes through. Presumably you'll all be able to follow along with all my bad trades and poor draft selections if you so desire.** Fun! I'll provide updates when I have more information.

2. Work -

My boss is relocating to NY. There have been rumors for some time. He spends a lot of time traveling there (and to other offices) because he is one of the firm-wide practice group leaders. So there isn't likely to be much of a change from that standpoint, but it will probably increase my business development/marketing burden out here because he wants me and one of my co-workers to be in charge of maintenance for most of the clients out here. It also will likely result in an increased number of work trips for me because he wants me to get to know the people in NY. It is interesting timing for me, because I am up for partner this year. This change might actually help those chances.

I'd write more but, well, it's work and I don't have a lot more to say.


*She works for whatever network had the Rose Bowl last year, because she came to LA for that and took out the broadcasting crew (including Doug Flutie) to a bar to watch football with us. I'm guessing that was ABC because of the ESPN connection I mention above, but feel free to correct me.

**Did I mention that I finished in the basement last year? Last place. It was not fun. I made the "mistake" of getting matched up against whoever planned to score the most points in the league each week. So I lost even a few times when I was second, third or fourth for point totals in the league. Yes, I'm whining now. This is my year to shine! Maybe I'll even draft a running back that isn't sharing duties with someone else this year (damn you, Reggie Bush!).

You Give Law... A Bad Name

I've been in work-deal-hell, which is prone to happen at the end of a fiscal quarter, so no time to blog recently, but I had an interaction today that I just HAD to share with someone and, hey, you're (yes, you out there) someone! So here goes...

Every profession has its own sort of assholes, I'm sure, but the law has a particular brand of asshole that always astonishes me when a come across one. The My-Law-Degree-Makes-Me-More-Important-Than-Others* brand of asshole.

So I'm working on a deal that involves real property in states where my firm is not located (think states starting with an "A" in the deep south and southern midwest). Our client is going to be hiring local counsel in those states and the local counsel will prepare the deeds of trust/mortgages, etc. We are preparing the loan documents and will coordinate with local counsel on real estate matters. Because we really have a limited role on the R.E. side of things, we have a real estate paralegal who will be handling review of title commitments, surveys, etc.

I called the real estate person from the Borrower - Mr. In-House-Real-Estate-Counsel-Comma-Esquire - to introduce him to our paralegal and to get the title review and survey process underway. In my voicemail message, I gave Mr. IHRECCE (damn, I should have made the initials spell out something funny) the paralegal's contact information. Shortly thereafter, I received a call back. Mr. IHRECCE was calling to complain that I gave him the name of a paralegal contact. I quote (an excerpt): "I'm going to have high-level comments to mortgages and I want to talk to the person with control over the document, not some paralegal." 15 minutes of him telling me why our decision to have a paralegal review the title work and coordinate the real estate aspects of the transaction was going to inconvenience him personally and make the process so much harder to manage. Now, mind you, we aren't preparing the mortgages - those will be done by local counsel and he'll be passing comments to them on to local counsel, probably with a finance attorney in our office (me or the partner) in the loop.

And through his complaining and whining, it was all I could do not to laugh. See? I'm not invested in my job. The fact that someone can get this bent out of shape about being asked to deal with a (highly competent, experienced) non-lawyer in a transaction. It's, well, comical.** Who's with me here?

And, by the way, I basically told him to suck it.*** And to call our paralegal if he has any questions about my instructions.

Best Regards,
Leila, Esq.



*(Which includes the subset My-Status-As-A-Partner-Makes-Me-More-Knowledgeable-Than-You brand of asshole. This is the law firm partner who is working with an associate on a deal, but insists on calling the partner "nominally" on the deal instead of the associate who is contacting him (yes, it is always a him) because he doesn't want to "waste his precious time" talking to an associate. More here.)

**Of course, if I had to deal with this assjack every day, I'm sure a point would come (quickly!) when it stopped being so amusing. There was a similar character at my old firm. What a pill.

***But I said it in a nice way. And that's what counts.

Small Business 101

Maggie Mason blogged recently on advice she would give to high school students regarding entrepreneurial endeavors. I think her advice, though a bit simplistic, is good to keep in mind even for (barely!) post-high schoolers, such as myself. I particularly agree with point #3, after years of not LOVING what I do:

3. Don’t believe the myth that “if you liked your job, no one would pay you to do it.” It’s essential that you love your work for you to be as happy and financially successful as possible in your life. The person who loves her job will always beat out the person who’s doing it for the paycheck.

Food for thought this weekend...

Fond Farewell

My old firm is dying today. I spent almost 8 years working there (from wide-eyed days as a first year associate all the way up to jaded senior associate status) and I have warm feelings for the people who worked there and for the culture that they created there. The firm made a pretty big mistake taking on a tax partner in Chicago who was giving out questionable opinions. And it paid the ultimate price for that decision.

I guess what is interesting to me about the situation is that my old firm was not some renegade actor, doing anything out-of-line from industry practice. Some other firms that you may have heard of, such as Sidley Austin and Shearman & Sterling, were issuing pretty much the same opinions at the same time. And making a lot of money off of them. In my opinion, there were two things that brought my firm down and left the other players in that market standing strong: (i) the Chicago partner was a bit of a bad actor, in the eyes of the IRS, and I think they picked his firm out because they liked the idea of sticking it to him (he made an unbelievable amount of money off these tax opinions and, according to some, he was a bit of a market leader in the area) and (ii) the firm was not Big Enough to withstand the press hit and the eventual hit to the pocketbook. Yes, size matters.

So lawyers fled. Including me. And including many of the heavy hitters who were recent additions to the firm (no, sadly (or not), I am not a heavy hitter) and who had no qualms about shopping themselves around (after collecting the boom year bonuses that resulted from the tax practice opinions, of course).

A lot of people have looked on with glee as one of the big name firms in Dallas collapsed. These people include former employees who felt wronged when the firm had layoffs (as all the big firms did in 2002-03) and former competitors of the firm in its heyday who are happy to lose the competition. I just feel sad for the loss. The loss of the excitement we all once had when the firm was trying to become a national player and the loss of the reputation of a firm full of good, smart lawyers.

I wish my former co-workers luck and success wherever they end up. I'm sure working at the firm for the last year or so has been no walk in the park.


[Note: I intentionally did not use the name of the firm in this blog because I don't particularly want to pop up in google searches of the subject. Just in case you were wondering.]

Generation Gap

There is a pretty good article on this month's California Lawyer magazine about why women continue to leave large law firms even though there is gender equality in law schools these days. Unfortunately it is not free online or I would link to it.

While I agree that there is a gender gap and it is unlikely to go away any time soon, I think there is a bigger issue here and that law firms better start taking note sometime soon. I think that the generation gap between the work ethic of baby boomers and that of gen x'ers (and even more so gen y'ers) is going to require firms to step back from the Just Keep Upping The Billable Hours And Throw A Bonus At The Associates business model that has been in place for at least the last decade. When I started practicing in Dallas in 1997 the norm for hours requirements in big firms there was 1800, with several firms still around 1700. The partners changed that dramatically with the "Brobeck raises" in the late 1990's, and they've been trying to gradually increase hours ever since.

My hours requirement is now 2100 (100 of which may be creditable but non-billable hours). I have decided, reasonably I think, that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with pressure to make billable hours hanging over my head. Any vacation I take, I'm thinking about how I'll make up the hours. If I'm sick, I have to worry about making up the hours. Doctor's appointment? Gotta make up those hours.

To exacerbate the issue, law firms are hiring their efficiency consultants, who tell them that in order to maximize hours billed, they should hound their attorneys to always enter at least 8 hours a day. In theory, maybe a good idea, but in practice, absolutely horrible. The last thing that a transactional attorney who has been putting in 14 hour days for a couple of weeks on a big closing wants to hear is that the firm has "unaccounted hours" for them because the day after the closing they didn't enter some (fictitious?) 8 hours for that day. It is horrible for attorney morale and I'm not sure that firm management has a grasp on the way this sort of micromanagement of supposed professionals really alienates the younger generations.

I'm not sure what the right answer is. The California Lawyer article posits that one thing firms could do to retain gen x and gen y female attorneys is to set up real flex hours or part time schedules that are still partnership track and actually promote part-timers to partner. Under the current model though, that is really unlikely to happen. So instead, many of us will walk away. And the baby boomer partners who worked their way up with 1600 billable hour requirements and a more determined work ethic may never understand why they cannot retain younger generation associates who are being asked to bill 2100 hours per year and whose main priority in a healthy balance between work and personal life.

The last paragraph of the article nails it:

"It takes the baby boomers saying we don't have all the answers," says Arin N. Reeves, founder of the Athens Group based in Chicago, which studies generational issues in law firms. "You can't hold on to the way it's always been. If you want to hire people of the younger generation, you'll have to change the institution."

What's The Worst Thing That Could Happen?

Mike and I have a friend who was just laid off from his in-house job. The timing of the thing is pretty unfortunate because he was only at the company for about 6 months, so current interviewers seem to have a hard time figuring out why he's moving now, and because he and his fiancee are currently planning their wedding for later this year (just a bit of stress and expense accompany that sort of thing). We went to lunch with them today and we didn't really know whether to bring anything up and what to say. It could have been pretty awkward, right?

The amazing thing is I left lunch feeling really happy and excited for him. It really brought the point home to me that life is what you make of it. Our friend is seriously considering using the new situation he's in to take an opportunity to hang a shingle. He (like me) never would have expected that would be something that might interest him (BigLaw resume, transactional guy), but he's taking a bit of stock and he's genuinely excited to be doing the research and figuring out what is feasible for him - whether it be getting office space or working from home, whether he should get some contract/overflow stuff or if things would come along through his connections, how he'll be able to manage his schedule and choose what jobs/projects he wants to do. Mike and I were able to talk about our friends who have done something similar* and brainstorm a bit with him, and you could tell by the way he talked about things that he was really happy to get feedback and ideas.

I really hope that this goes his way. He deserves it and I'm completely in awe of his attitude and determination.





*[one of those people who happens to stop by here from time to time should expect e-mails or IMs on the subject from me sometime soon]

I've Got Some Living To Do

One thing I've been concerned about, in my discussions with myself about how long I should stay on my career trajectory, is what would I do with my time if I quit working for a while? This is a sort of fun game to play with myself and it actually makes me think a bit because I'm pretty sure that (absent the sure-to-exist prodding from Mike), I could probably close myself in my apartment for a couple of months and lie on the couch in front of the tv getting fistfuls of Cheeto dust all over my laptop computer. While that is a lovely thought, it would not be good for me. I know this because inactivity and lack of purpose tend to spiral me into depression. And the last thing I would want to do with my time off is be depressed. I can be depressed just fine as a working stiff getting a paycheck, thank you very much.

So I've been coming up with ways I would spend my time. This week I bought a membership to LACMA (including a Muse membership, which opens up their young artists and art enthusiasts events, like ArtWalk and a costume ball, to me and Mike) and I signed up for a 5 week art studio class there. LACMA is literally 4 blocks away from my apartment, and we've done very little there since we moved here. If the first class I take goes well, I hope to sign up for others as well. I've also decided to start working on art stuff at home and to set up a space devoted to art endeavors. I've been hesitant to do so since I moved in with Mike because I never bought an easel or anything - I typically just spread stuff out on a table (or on the floor) and worked away. The existence of a cat makes the calculus of doing artwork a bit more complex, so my paints and pens and other art goodies have been packed away for almost 3 years now. It is time to break them out.

Also, as I've mentioned before, I'd like to get into some regularly scheduled yoga classes. For some reason I've hesitated to sign up for things like that after work because my schedule with work can be erratic (I shouldn't care and I should schedule them anyway, but for some reason I just can't do it). If I stop working, it no longer will be. I look forward to that. I'll also sign up for a weekly women's golf league that is held at my regular course every Tuesday morning (while I'm usually working), and maybe take some lessons as well.

Mike and I are also looking into going in on studio space with some music friends of ours. This could be a really big thing or a kind of small thing. Mike's big hobby is music mixing/recording/editing. He just bought a full Pro Tools set up (at a great discount, thanks to his employer) and he has always had a music studio room in his home for the last decade or so. He spends probably, on average, 10-15 hours per week doing music stuff with his gear.

We have some friends who do this sort of work professionally. Two of them live here and are doing their work out of their homes and one of them lives in Dallas and has a small studio there. We have been in discussions with our Dallas friend for the last year or so about him moving out here and us putting together a commercial studio around him. But he lives in Dallas, so who knows if he would really come out.

However our friends here are fairly definite that they would go in on a studio with us. One of them just quit his job to try to pursue music work full time, but has nowhere for his gear (roommate situation, etc.). So in the immediate future, we might start looking for a space with him (and see if our other friend here is interested as well). For us, it could be net neutral from a money standpoint. If we rent a studio space and our portion of the rent is $1000, for example, then we can also move into a smaller cheaper apartment since we'll no longer need the studio room.

But the more exciting prospect is what happens if our Dallas friend decides to give it a go out here. Mike and I are aware of (1) his talent, (2) his book of business, and (3) his (and Mike's) contacts. And we'd be willing to give a studio built around him a try. Obviously, if I'm not working and we decide to set up a studio of some sort, I'll have lots of free time to handle logistics, and try to get things up and running. And I'd probably get more involved in the work too. Mike's going to get Pro Tools certified sometime soon (his company will pay for it) and we've discussed whether I should try to learn Pro tools basics, or maybe even learn some video stuff (always a useful skill in this town), like Avid. One possible corollary to our forming-a-studio business plan could include setting up an Avid room too, for use by our Dallas post-house friends on their quarterly trips to LA and for renting out at other times at market rates here.

I'm actually really excited about all of this stuff. I'm not sure why even other than it is new and exciting and way more entrepreneurial than anything I've ever tried in my life. I'm so excited about it that I feel a bit goofy even talking about it, because I worry that maybe I'm being a silly pie-in-the-sky optimist, which is totally against character for me, so it is hard to reconcile that feeling.

But surely, truly, really, emphatically, doesn't that stuff sound better than practicing law? I think so.

What was the Thing I Said?

I'm pretty sure it was yesterday or maybe the day before that I mentioned in my Comments that I have no intention of writing about work here. I mean, people have been fired for that sort of thing, right?

So today I decided that I would write a bit about work. But allow me to clarify. What I really would like to write about is my "career", not really my particular job at this moment. That's better, I think. I can draw a distinction there. In fact, my career is all about parsing words and finding distinctions. So this blog will do nothing more than prove to the world what a great lawyer I am. If any of my bosses are reading, maybe I deserve a raise?

I am an associate at a big law firm. I practice finance law. In particular, I draft and negotiate loan documents of various types. Fascinating stuff. You must want to know more. Don't worry - this blog is not intended to be a primer in finance law and I promise there won't be a test on any of this.

The problem is that I don't find the work all that interesting. Some people might think that no one would find that type of work particularly interesting. Those people are wrong. I know people and have worked with people who find this work interesting. People who can sit around on their lunch hours and discuss various permutations of contract provisions with actual excitement in their voices. I'm just not one of those people. There are times that something seems kind of new or different to me, and I enjoy learning new things, but the day-to-day work that I do really doesn't do anything for me. And I think that is a problem.

I wonder what percentage of people have found jobs or careers that actually excite and interest them. I know some of those people. Heck, Mike is even one of those people. He may not love every aspect of his job, and that is not what I would ever expect of any job anyway, but he believes in the company that he works for and he has found a job that actually blends his legal expertise with his interest in music and all things music-gear-related. That is pretty cool.

My other problem is that I don't have the sort of passion that Mike has for music for pretty much anything. At least not for anything that seems likely to lead to an alternative career for me. I mean, let's see here...

Things I like to do: play poker (mainly online out of necessity) and other games of all sorts, watch reality tv, paint (though I've done very little of that recently and I'm not a big art aficionado so most careers in the arts are out without some sort of additional education), socialize with friends, ...

[I'd go on, but really I'm not going to suddenly blurt out "and create and analyze financial models" or anything else that is going to lend itself in any way to my area of expertise. I've thought about this quite a bit.]

So what is the answer? And will I see it if I happen across it? Sometimes I think I should just quit what I'm doing. That out of necessity I'll figure out something else to do with myself. But will the something else be any more fulfilling to me? And is ennui a good enough reason to give up a reasonably lucrative career? Especially for something that most likely will pay substantially less. Unless I can become a reasonably successful drug or arms dealer, I guess. Or maybe an actress or a supermodel? (This was a joke. Maybe that was obvious, but I feel I must include the disclaimer because half of the population of LA has this sort of career aspiration.)

Please let me know if you have the answer for me. I have more to say on this subject. Heck, I haven't even had a chance to describe the joy that is the billable hour model. Though most of my readers at this point (other disillusioned (or maybe not-so-disillusioned) attorneys) have no need for a discussion of the various reasons why billing by the hour really, truly sucks.